The Big Belly Blues

I've gained forty-eight pounds in nine months,

swelled up like a watermelon!

A tear runs down my mascara-stained cheek

and I always find a reason for yellin'.

My husband just stares in wonder

(I can be kind of hard to ignore).

I know he thinks that I'm out of my mind

as he runs to the convenience store.

My appetite is odd and endless --
I'm amazed at the junk I inhale.

I just can't seem to keep from feedin' my face.

My best friend is "Fudgy the Whale"!

There's no comfortable position,

I can't even reach for the phone.

The simplest task is a pain in the ass,

So I bitch, whine, piss and moan.

I've got the big belly blues again,
so remember when the curses are flying,

it's because of this old belly o' mine

and I don't mean nothin' by 'em.

Don't forget this girl still loves you,

in spite of what you're puttin' me through.

But there's just one thing, you horny sonofabitch:

I wish that this could happen to you!

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You wanna WHAT??

Don't you come near me with that thing!

That's it -- you're gettin' fixed...

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